All You Zombies Show Your Faces

I got a new splint/brace yesterday that leaves me resembling a Storm Trooper. The huge advantage to the new set up is that I'm a lot more comfortable standing and I can sit comfortably in chairs without armrests. The disadvantage is that pretty much every other position has become exceedingly uncomfortable. So now I get around better, but I can't find a position in which to relax. I feel like a zombie, shuffling around aimlessly. Seeking braaaaiiiiinnnnsssss.....

Which segues nicely into the next topic I wanted to discuss: socialization. Well, it's a good segue because in my humble opinion, socialization without intellect (braaaiiinnns) isn't worth much. And I'm STARVING for some. Tom is occupied with the business of taking care of me, himself, the kids, his job and the house - he hasn't had much time for small talk. Lea is convinced I'm "being lazy" and could really be doing more around here if I put my mind to it. I'm "just using" this injury as an excuse to make her do all the work. I love my daughter, so I won't bother explaining how completely ludicrous this assertion is. Olivia tries to play with me, but hasn't found me to be a very fun playmate. A good deal of our play together still consists of dressing and undressing dolls, and I'm at a place where I just wish I could manage to dress and undress myself. My mother calls several times a day and keeps me somewhat sane (until she starts preaching - then I tend to zone). My sister has called twice. My sisters friend has made the bulk of our dinners (taking some of the burden away from Tom). And that? Is about it.

The lack of human contact in a time when I'm so desperate for it has caused me to go all introspective and I can't find much that I like. Perhaps an extended convalescence will afford me the opportunity to figure out what I can do about that. 8 weeks without driving has pretty much rendered me housebound - I had to give up both jobs for 2 months - they may or may not be waiting for me when I'm ok again. It's a good opportunity, I suppose, to slow down and figure things out.

An Arm of One

Last Sunday while schlepping pizzas I slipped and, in one of those split seconds that change everything, broke my left humerus. I was working with 2 young 'uns and they were both out back havin' a smoke. I laid on the floor and screamed (to anyone who would listen), "I've been hurt badly! Someone please help me!" "Please help me" has become a sort of mantra throughout the whole ordeal. More on that later. Some Good Samaritan customers came around the counter and to my rescue. They called Tom, Jackie (one of my bosses) and "the squad". I took my first ambulance ride and Tom and Jackie met me at the hospital.

They were authorized to give me 5 units of morphine but after 2 I broke out in hives. I was informed that the answer to "do you have any drug allergies?" is no longer "not that I'm aware of". With morphine out of the picture, they went to percoset. I couldn't tell you if it helped with the pain or not, it made me nauseous in a productive and most unpleasant manner. Heaving uncontrollably was way too jarring on my freshly broken bone, so I requested something milder. A prescription was written for vicadin, which I was told was usually pretty well tolerated. Usually. I actually tripped on it for a little while before the, uh, productive nausea manifested again. Now I came of age in the late 70's, early 80's (and all that that implies). When and how did I become such a chemical lightweight? Anyway, pain management since day 2 has consisted of acetaminophen and ice packs.

But more frustrating than the pain is the dependence. Due to the location of the break, casting is impossible, so I just have a splint. Every time I stand up or move, I need to support my left arm with my right hand - to not do so is exceedingly painful. Ask me how I know. So, given all this, I'm pretty limited in what I can do independently. Really limited. Think about it. So Tom (and, to a lesser extent, the girls) need to be enlisted to complete the most mundane (and personal) tasks. Although they (for the most part) have complied without complaint whenever I've asked, it doesn't make asking any easier. Very humbling, this experience.

Well, one handed typing while trying to hold the computer on my lap has exhausted me, so I'll save my tales of social woe for another posting.

Look What I Can Do!

Just wanted to try my hand at posting some of those vacation pictures. The first is Lea and Olivia in New York, the second is Tom playing what I believe is Martin's only bass offering, and the third is all of us in Philadelphia after our historical buggy ride.

Now that I see how easy it is to add pictures to a post (duh!), my posts should be a little more interesting to look at!

If My Arms Were Big Enough (and, you know, abstract), I'd Give This Day a Hug

Every day should be like this. The temperature in the mid-70's, the sun shining, the birds singing, the flowers blooming, the sun roof open and the music blaring. Life? She is good.

The students in my diversity class are thoughtful and open-minded and willing to share their personal experiences. I repeat, good, good, good.

So good, in fact, that I'm not even angry at Skybus anymore for having the audacity to go under and take not one but 2 of my planned vacations with it. That's bad. But I still feel good! Beautiful weather is a tonic!

So This Is How I Know I'm Not On Vacation Anymore...

The vacation is over. I knew it was gonna end and I was gonna have to get back to the grind, but geez! The first thing that happened was that Tom's cold turned out to be a particularly nasty flu. I felt so bad for him, that he had to travel when he clearly felt so very very crummy. but travel we did. We left Aunt Jennie's and went to my moms, where he spent another day on the couch. The next morning we left for home. We stopped for lunch, and when we walked back to the car, he noticed that we had a flat tire. In a (rare) lucky stroke, he made this discovery in a mall parking lot, so there was a tire place handy as well as a place for us to kill a little time while we waited. This was also VERY rough on Tom, who, I'm sure, just wanted to be home. (I did pick up the new B-52's offering, though, so that was kind of cool)

We got back on the road with not one, but 2 new tires. 'Cause that's just what you've budgeted for at the END of your vacation... Is it any surprise to anyone that it started raining at this point?

We got home and I got in a BIG fight with my mom on the phone. A screaming crying fight - the kind I haven't had with her in years. No sleep Sunday night.

Monday I taught my first class of the new quarter and - while it didn't go BADLY, it didn't go as well as I would've liked. There was just a lot of "business" to take care of and it sort of got me off track. Tom was still sick - his worst day so far, actually. Made up with Mom, though, sort of. (If both of us pretending nothing ever happened counts as making up)

Today was a doozy, though. I skipped my own class. Ask me how this happened, and the only honest answer I can give you is "I don't know". I thought the class was Wednesday night. I planned my schedule around a Wednesday night class. I wrote my syllabus based on Wednesday night meetings. I really thought I had a Wednesday night class. So we're sitting down to dinner around 6 and the phone rings and it's the secretary for the assistant dean - she has a lot of angry students in her office because I am a no show. I just have no idea how something like this could have happened, but it's pretty damn awful. I'd love to blame hormones, since they're easy to blame anything ditzy on, but this wasn't really ditzy. It's not like I forgot. I just - I just had it wrong. I had it all wrong. I am so sorry and so ashamed. I just wish I could figure out how it happened.

Now this is interesting (or maybe not): I took a nap this afternoon, and had my recurring roller coaster dream. It's not a recurring dream in that all the details are the same every time, but every time I am doing something mundane - sometimes looking for my car in a parking lot, sometimes navigating an increasingly bigger shopping mall, this afternoon I was sightseeing - touristy stuff - and I get on a little tram or something to help me find - whatever - what I need, what I'm looking for - and the tram turns into a really wild roller coaster without warning. And it's fun! I like it! But I worry that it's never going to take me where I need to go. When this worry starts to turn to panic, I usually wake up. Today was no exception. Probably doesn't take a genius to figure out the symbolism at work here. Things are out of control.