Thursday, October 21, 2010

Drop It

So the lovefest is over. I now return you to my regularly scheduled self-loathing, already in progress.

I'm mostly kidding...

I kept my word yesterday. I didn't entertain a single bad thought about this shell in which I walk around the world. (And when I say, 'world', I mostly mean Ohio...) That's mostly because I was kept very busy with other, more pressing thoughts. Thoughts like:

Will there EVER be enough money?

Why do I insist on continuing to do things that I've proven over and over that I'm not very good at?

What kind of wine goes best with camping?

How are we going to manage Thanksgiving for 9 people in my sister's tiny apartment?

When my sister was married, she lived in a house that was both bigger and nicer than mine. When my parents would come to visit, they would obviously opt to stay with her. I understood that, but there was a period of time when my kids did not. It didn't help that their cousin sort of rubbed it in during that same time period - telling them that Memaw and Pepaw were coming to see her - not them.


When my parents would come in to babysit for my niece, they stayed at her house, even when my sister wasn't there. When they would come to babysit my kids, she'd say, "We'll just bring them over to Wendy's for the weekend - that will be easier for everyone." I'm not sure how she figured packing a bag for the weekend because their parents were going away without them was easier for my kids - but I've learned not to spend too much time trying to unravel other people's logic. (That's totally a lie. I still spend WAY too much time trying to unravel other people's logic in an attempt to make it make sense to me. But I HAVE learned that it's a waste of time, so I try to deny doing it at all. How'm I doing with that so far?)

When my sister moved into the small apartment, I assumed that that would change. Now I was in the larger place - clearly mine would be the house out of which they would base.


My parents visited this week and opted to stay with my sister in her apartment. Ok. It's the first time they've visited since she moved out. I figured they just wanted to get comfortable in her new space (and with her new situation). Then talk turned to Thanksgiving. It seems that everyone but me assumed that we would have dinner at my sister's apartment. Now my house is not all that nice. And it's not all that big. But it's bigger than an apartment, for Pete's sake.

A girls' ego could take a bruising, y'know?


The apartment is not yet fully furnished (yet it remains superior to my house, in terms of entertaining!!!!! Can you tell I'm a little bitter? Damn. I'd hoped I was hiding that a little better...), but it will be by then. She had been looking for a small table for her dining nook and was debating between a couple choices. I mentioned it's a small apartment, right? I did? Good. Now that she knows she'll continue entertaining the family in her small space (Am I being a little heavy-handed with the 'small' stuff? Sorry.) one thing becomes clear: She's gonna need to look at drop leaf tables.

Did you see how pretty those tables were? The perfect solution to entertaining a large crowd in a small space.

Me? I'll just arrive when I'm told to arrive and bring what I'm told to bring and leave when it's time to leave.

I'm in my late 40's. Think it might be time for me to drop more than the sides of a table? Yeah, you're probably right.

I'll work on that.


singedwingangel said...

OH I hear this loud and clear. I am so sorry they do you this way hun. I think that if anything it should be alternated. Did you ever say YOU would like to have it at your house and say you have more room. Sometimes people get stuck in a pattern and just assume and never think any different..

Cheryl said...

Sending hugs because what else can I do?

Eva Gallant said...

I would look on the bright side; I don't have to clean the house in advance, I don't have to cook a huge meal, and I don't have to worry about cleaning up after!

But I's sorry that their behavior hurts you.

BONNIE K said...

I'm with Eva. I used to love to entertain, but now between cleaning before, cooking the food, and cleaning up afterward, I have found it all to be exhausting. I would just focus on how you don't have to do any of that stuff! Even tho it is a bit puzzling..

blueviolet said...

If it were me, I would be counting my lucky stars! The less entertaining I have to do, the better!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Angel has a point...sometimes families just assume that everything should be the same as always. Have you offered...either for Thanksgiving or maybe for the holiday after that--whenever your family gets together next? I can also imagine that your folks don't want to hurt your sister's feelings by pointing out her reduced circumstances, but they may be oblivious to YOUR feelings. Sorry 'bout that.

Jacob said...

I agree with the others, be glad you don't have to entertain. Also, no matter how old you are you it is hard not to be super sensitive when dealing with your family. There are many years of history and patterns.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Having raised my hand one too many times to cook for my husband's entire family only be have them all just assume I'd be the kitchen slave for every stinking holiday, I'd be THRILLED not to have to worry about Thanksgiving dinner even if it was held at the CIty Dump. But, I totally understand your point. All I'm saying is be careful what you wish for Tammy.
xo jj

Unknown Mami said...

At least you don't have to deal with the clean up as much.

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

Have you ever point blank asked them, "Do you have something against my house? Why is sissy the chosen one?" I would! Tell them your table is nice and you're nice and well your ego doesn't need any more cruisin' for a bruisin'.

But then again- like the others have said on here, the advantages are in your favor when it comes to not having to cook as much, clean as much or give a damn about the hostess duties. You could just play the part of the drunk, annoying relative instead! That seems more fun to me?

At any rate, good luck with it~ I'd rather go to your house if that counts for anything.