My buzz was killed so thoroughly last night that it's hard to believe I ever had one.
I have been a grouchy, irritable don't-look-at-me-wrong-or-I'll-cut-you bitch ever since.
As such, let me present what I hope will not become the first in an ongoing series, but certainly contains the potential.
I don't shop anymore. It's not fun. There's never any money and we have too much crap anyway.
Today, though, I needed to go to the store. I needed laundry baskets. How I've managed to lose all of my laundry baskets, I do not know, but if I find out, it will probably piss me off.
Of course, by the time I got to the checkout, I'd picked up a lot more than laundry baskets. Stores, man. Always trying to make you buy stuff. They piss me off.
When I say I picked up a lot more than laundry baskets, I really only mean a couple more items. I was well under the ten item limit for the express lane. That's right. I was shopping at Target. Judge me if you want, but you should probably know that that will almost surely piss me off.
I got in the lane behind a woman who - what the hell! - had the entire conveyor belt filled and was still reaching into her buggy for more. My left eye got a little twitchy and I started looking for something stabbity. But I was already there and the other lines were long, so I stayed where I was. Wanna know what she did then? She split the order into three separate orders - ALL well over ten items - and paid for each of them separately. And she had coupons. Do I have to tell you she was on her phone the whole time and never acknowledged the cashier except to wave her credit card at her a few (three, to be exact) times, or have you already made that assumption? Because she sure 'nuff was and did.
As she walked away, Bitchy McBitcherson (that's me, if you haven't been following along) said to the cashier, "Boy, you sure don't take that ten item rule very seriously, do you?" Rudy McRudepants overheard, as had been my intention, turned around, glanced at the sign and shrugged. Her daughters joined her as she walked out the door. They were both wearing T-shirts from a local Christian Academy.
My kids don't go to Sunday School. But if I ever found out they'd behaved like this woman behaved - in front of her kids - well...
It would really piss me off.