Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Bon Jovi Mom

I've already regaled you with the Bo Bice incident, it may be time to share the tale of Bon Jovi Mom.

Picture it: Smalltown, Pennsylvania. 1986.

My hair was big and permed on top and shaved tight up the back, save one gloriously long rat tail. My jeans were acid washed with a paper bag waist. They were separated from my brassiere - I mean - my crop top - by about an inch and a half. My boots were white, leather, and fringed. They matched my jacket. And there was a life-sized poster of one Jon Bon Jovi on the back of my bedroom door. Oh yeah, and I was 24. Arrested Development wasn't only a canceled before its time sitcom on Fox.

Fast forward.

Picture it: Stupid Suburbs, Ohio. October 7, 2006

My eldest daughter is in fifth grade. She has decided that she is too old for a lunch box. She has also rejected the love notes that I like to stuff into said lunch box. So we compromise. She gets to brown bag, and I can write lyrics on the lunch bag. Awesome. Every morning I go to Today in Rock and Roll History and find a relevant band or song - then I quote her some lyrics (dude). On this particular day, Tico Torres' birthday in case you were wondering, I quoted her some old school Bon Jovi.

And the silly child forgot her lunch.

I realized this well before lunchtime and took it to the school. I left it for her at the office. The next time I visited the middle school office (and it wasn't much later - she forgot things a lot...) I was greeted by the whole office staff with variations of: "Hey! It's the Bon Jovi Mom!!! Hey Bon Jovi Mom!" It was the same thing every time I visited the office. Every freakin' time. "There's the one I told you about!" they'd say, one to the other. "She's the one that writes Bon Jovi lyrics on her daughters lunch bag every day!"

"I don't..."

"Hey Bon Jovi Mom!"

"I'm not..."

And they would stop me for conversation if there was Bon Jovi news. And between the two girls, I had almost four more years at that school. Luckily my youngest doesn't forget much...

Rewind just a little.

Picture it: Stupid Suburbs, Ohio. Approximately 2002.

A Bon Jovi video comes on the TV and I am busted paying attention to it. "That's your mom's boyfriend...Mommy loves him."

"But, if Mommy loves him, why did she marry you?"

"Because, sweetheart, Daddy was the first long-haired guitar player from New Jersey who looked back at her."

"Oh."

Fast forward.

Stupid Suburbs, Ohio. November 23, 2009. Dentist's office.

The whole family had dentist appointments. Lea is with the dentist, I am with Liv and Tom in the waiting room. Ellen is on the TV and, you guessed it, Bon Jovi is on Ellen. Tom and Liv both put down their books to look at me. The hygenist comes out to make sure I saw it. Because Lea spilled all my stories. Bon Jovi Mom rides again.

On a steel horse...

Sigh.

He is very good looking...

58 comments:

marfmom said...

Hahahahaha! Your kids are lucky to have such a dedicated mom!

mama-face said...

I can't type fast enough right now....

While I was at Target today, in the book section of course...I picked up a huge coffee table book...it was a BON JOVI book! hahahaha. Of course I looked through it and thought to myself, can I ask for this book for Christmas? ohmygosh. haha

Oh, you are the coolest mom. I love song lyrics but writing them on the lunch bags; that's genius. One more thing...my kids always hated notes left in their lunches. I thought it was just me. :)

Anita said...

I love the images this gives me. My 11 year old is an 80's throwback. He loves Bon Jovi. I just like to look at Jon.
My kids hated the lunchbox notes too. Now I just text them. Haha

5thsister said...

What a funny story! You rock and roll with the best of them. Isn't funny how these things take a life on their own?

Masala Chica said...

a girl after my own heart! loved bon jovi as a child and would have given my right arm to share a can of hairspray with him.

He can have any of my hair products that he wants. seriously.

love it. your daughter should be happy her mom has such discerning taste.
kiran

Eva Gallant said...

I love Bon Jovi...he's still handsome!

Amber Page Writes said...

Ha! My husband calls Bon Jovi my boyfriend, too. I can't help it...I still buy every album.

Own your shame, Bon Jovi mom!

Tater Tot Mom said...

Cause I'm wanted...dead or alive! I just had to finish that lyric. That is so funny! That is so cool though that you wrote lyrics on her lunch!

When I was in the second grade my dad used to come to lunch every once in awhile. Everyone thought he looked like Lionel Richie (who was popular at that time) and they would call me Lionel Richie's daughter and ask me if I got to be on MTV. I have to admit, I felt a little like a rock star and I'm sure your daughter did too..even though she probably wouldn't admit it. At least I never did to my dad!

kys said...

You had a rat tail? Bitchin'!

otin said...

So what you are saying is that if you are in a room alone with Bon Jovi, that someone is getting attacked! lol

Sarah said...

I'd love to see a picture of you in 1986. Sounds rad!

Aww! The lunch bag rock and roll lyrics idea is so sweet and awesome.

When I got too old for notes my mom would give me stickers instead.

Mandy's Life After 30 said...

A rock star mom and wife like you deserves a rock star story like that! Thanks for sharing it.

Now, please tell me more about those fringes and the perm :-) That could be next year's Halloween outfit, perhaps?

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

omg i live in stupid suburbs ohio too. 30 minutes south of c town - cleveland in case u are thinking cinci or columbus even. wow. howdy

neighbor

jenie said...

love your posts...its my first time here, and definitely will be back ;)

hope you can come visit my blogs too
at-a-blink
earthy me
heartQUAKES
life round me N you

West Springfield said...

Old School Bon Jovi~the music~is the best! New School Bon Jovi, though, is so much better looking than he was 20 years ago. You're such a rad mom, ya know?

Gibby said...

"Shot through the heart, and you're to blame, darllin you give LUNCH a bad name. "

hahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!!!! I kill myself.

That post was awesome.

Becky said...

BonJovi is pretty hot.

just sayin...

BONNIE K said...

Yes, he IS very good looking. And he seems like such a nice guy too.

blueviolet said...

I could barely make it past your initial physical description because it was as if you were in my closet.

I loved Bonjovi in the 80's but I never got back into them again.

WhisperingWriter said...

Haha!

Bon Jovi does rock though. I like his music.

Amy said...

At least you are loyal. My kids say I have a 'type' and so when that type comes on TV everyone looks over to gauge my reaction. So embarrassing.

I love the effort you put into your daughter's lunch each day.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Oh yeah, Bon Jovi IS very cute!

xo

Ginger said...

So. Bon Jovi is on my "list" - you know the top five celebrity men I get to have guilt free/consequence free (husband turns the other cheek) sex with if I happen to randomly meet them and they actually want to "tap" this.

I can't help myself.

And also - You're the Bon Jovi Mom. I'm the Yo Gabba Gabba Mom. (sigh). You're decidedly cooler.

Love this post - love what you did with the organization and the fast forwards, etc. Very clever and effective!! :)

Pam said...

You're not alone in your love for Bon Jovi. Around here he is also known as Mom's Boyfriend. The last time he appeared on the cover of Parade magazine in the Sunday paper, my husband drew a mustache and glasses on him before I had a chance to drool over the picture. So, yeah, I get it!

Allyson said...

I have to tell you that Bon Jovi rises above all "generational" limitations. Sort of like the Beetles but with a better sense of fashion. My girlfriends and I all turn to mush whenever we see him and we are teaching my 7 yr and 5 yr old nieces to do the same. You may not be wearing fringe again anytime soon...but Bon Jovi will ALWAYS be cool. (and I'm totally squirreling away your brown bag lyric idea for future parenting. How freaking awesome is that??)

Matt the Bass Player said...

he looks plastic...all tucked and primped and plucked...

btw, john was the best man at the wedding of one of my clients...i live in the same neighborhood of said client...it's not unusual for john to stop by...sometimes he brings richie with him so they can write songs...not shitting you here...if i meet him, i'll say hello for you...

Traci said...

He IS very good-looking. I think he is getting better everyday (you know like wine). So keep riding your Steel Horse.

And never regret the acid-washed paper-bag jeans. At least, no one saw our rears when we sat down!
:-)

Badass Geek said...

If it wasn't for that song, "Who Says You Can't Go Home", I would have no problem with the guy.

Mammatalk said...

Oh, Bon Jovi? I was right there with you with the acid washed jeans and the hair. Oh, my! Memories!

youthinkyoucanblog said...

Rock on Bon Jovi MOM!

Hey, it's better than the Jonas Brothers mom. Right? LOL.

Too cute! Love the 80's description of you. You know acid wash came back.....and I saw that hairstyle on a little kid at walmart the other day. HA.

Brandy said...

I'd take Bon Jovi mom over lots of stuff -there are worst things to be called. And worst people to worship. He is hawt.

Unknown Mami said...

I'm just shaking my head back and forth.

On your tombstone it will read, "Here lies Bon Jovi Mom". Maybe your tombstone can have some fringe.

MiMi said...

I loves me some Bon Jovi!

Rosa said...

My younger sister (who is 41) would LOVE to be known as the Bon Jovi Mom. Even though she's not a mom. She'd just love to be anything associated with his name. Loved the description of your outfit. That was a fun, freaky little trip down memory lane.

Alexandra said...

LOL!
I agree with Marfmom, your kids are lucky to have such an awesome mommy.
And come on, what's there not to like about Jon? Seriously!
When I was in 8th grade (in late 90s) all the girls in my class would scream whenever they heard a Bon Jovi song.
Me, I just loved him in silence...
Alex

K said...

I'd take Bon Jovi Mom as a compliment. It's much cooler than the alternatives.

And I totally have the shaved hair in the back look for awhile. I'm glad that phase has passed.

Sassy Chica said...

Mamma you rock!!

Smooches,
Sassy Chica

Margo said...

Bon Jovi Mom, Don't you hate it when everyone puts you in a box? It's like we can only be one thing. Any pictures of the rat tail and white fringed boots? You crack me up :)

vixensden said...

He is very good looking. And by all accounts a very active and good dad. What more could a girl ask for in a rock-n-roll husband?

Sandy said...

Yeah, I think he gets better with age. And he's been married to the same woman forever and seems very intelligent and sweet. What a combo, no?

jenie said...

im back =)

you are linked in all 4 of my blogs. hope you can come visit and probably like them enough to link them back? ;)
at-a-blink
earthy me
heartQUAKES
life round me N you

Ms Bibi said...

Hey, good thing you wrote Bon Jovi lyrics that day...he's still hot as ever.It could be someone who didn't age that well...lol

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

You're a great mom with great kids!
What a funny story!
love and hugshugs

Sir Hook of Warrick aka "David K Wells" said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sir Hook of Warrick aka "David K Wells" said...

Spell Check!!!!!!

Another excellent composition! You may not like the "Bon Jovi Mom" label that much, but you have given your daughter a gift much bigger than a lunch bag to take with her the rest of her life.

In my previous life, I was known as Meathook (story to remain private), which I turned into a late night TV character named Dr. Meathook, which was a natural short for Hook...and now I'm Sir Hook of Warrick. Just think of all the "Bon Jovi ____" things you can now create....like the "Bon Jovi Bon Bon"!

Sir Hook Who's Wanted Dead or Alive of Warrick (About Seven Hundred Miles from Jersey)

Tsquared417 said...

Please, please, please tell me you have a picture of you in that 1986 outfit you described????

prashant said...

Your kids are lucky to have such a dedicated mom!

Make website india

MaryRC said...

dude i am so behind on bloggin!

my bff in high school was and is bon jovi mad! she goes and sees every tour (i went to 3) and still to this day is in LOVE with the man.

all those women who recognize the lyrics are Bon Jovi teachers, you know they had our high waisted skin tight acid washed jeans and fringed boot uniforms as well..

that man is aging well i must say, and the electrolysis.. i like him less hairy chested.

i love that you married your "long hair rocks" dude. mine was an uber looser, he was from arizona and couldnt even play guitar but he could pack a bong. now, he lives in a van down by the river.

Sandy said...

I still like to think I'm a hippie chick from the 60's. Somedays I really feel that way so I totally understand this post.

Don't think I can pull it off anymore but I can try, can't I?

Cheryl said...

Well that clears up the mystery of "Squealy Fangirl" perfectly. Dying to know exactly which lyrics you wrote on her lunch.

MissKris said...

I've run out of time this morning...my grandboys will be here soon and I gotta get DRESSED!! But I've bookmarked it and will come back tonite to read it.

Kathie @ Just a Happy Housewife said...

LOL!

~Kristen~ said...

Bwwwwah!!! I pretty much had that exact same outfit in 1986!!! And Jon Bon Jovi...the man just gets better and better...and hotter and hotter...with age!!! I think it is pretty cool you are known as the Bon Jovi Mom!!!

croneandbearit said...

Hey bein a Bon Jovi mom is hot stuff - you could have done so much worse. What irreparable damage will result from a few Bon Jovi lyrics? Crap on toast, woman, you could have written out the words to Wayne Newton's Danke Schoen...great now I got that stoopid song runnin through my head. ack ack Hugs!

Rachel Cotterill said...

I have such a clear picture of your 24-year-old self in my mind now! :)

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

As Allyson said, Jon Bon Jovi rocks across all generations. Think about the nicknames those school workers must have for some of the others who come in...Meth Mom, Drunk-as-a-Skunk Mom, Dumb-as-a-Stump Mom...the mind boggles. Good for you, sending loving messages to your child in any way possible!

MissKris said...

I think the worst thing I ever did as far as mortifying my kids was when I used to walk them to grade school. The walking part they didn't mind...half the neighborhood walked with us. But I'd lost a lot of weight. I had on a skirt with a half-slip on underneath and as we approached the school with tons of kids outside, my slip decided to say goodbye and puddled down around my feet. I didn't miss a beat. I stepped out of it, picked it up, slipped it in my pocket. While my son and daughter died about a thousand deaths and all the kids with us got the giggles. Actually, it WAS pretty funny and my two...now in their 30s...can talk about it now and laugh like crazy. I have always been a bit of a...how shall we say it...offbeat...mom. See, I told you I'd come back!) :-D

Lora said...

lol! I love this. I can see myself doing this someday...only most likely with a U2 twist...