But I am a flake.
And I'll tell you all about it here in an unprecedented second post in one day.
Responses from my blog go straight to my email and to Tom's as well.
My blog posts on Facebook as well.
Since posting this morning, the outpouring of concern in both places has been overwhelming. And it has been overwhelmingly AGAINST going to the school of casual discomfort.
At about the same time that Tom was IM'ing me to ask me to please listen to my bloggy buds, I was reading an e-mail from one of my nearest and dearest IRL buds pleading with me not to do it.
I will reschedule with the original doctor - the one who made me feel comfortable - the one with a professional office with private surgery suites with big windows overlooking the woods - the one who thinks IV sedation is fine but total sedation is better. I will call him as soon as I am recovered enough from the hysterectomy to know when I will actually be able to make - and keep - an appointment.
I will still feel - be - ugly - very very ugly, no doubt - for several months. That is inevitable. But I will not be as anxious about the procedure or about the ultimate result.
Now here's the thing: I would not have come to this conclusion without the support of my blog and Facebook community. How powerful is that? Tom was too close to the situation. I value his opinion, of course, but in this case - I don't know - I felt like I was just being a pain in the ass and a big whiny baby. And he was going to be affected by this. I didn't want to make things harder on him. My online community stepped back and said - NO - this is really scary - these are valid concerns. The little bit of distance made a difference.
As I was chatting with Rosa (my IRL friend I was e-mailing when I made this decision) I said, "How much does it suck that these people who know me only through the interwebs were able to give me the love and support that I needed, while my mother said, 'It'll be fine, there won't be any difference. Why would you pay more for the same thing? ' " Then I reminded her and myself that my mother is the one that made me walk home from school after a root canal.
I am breathing so much easier since I made that phone call.
I am still upset that it is something that will have to happen. I wish I didn't have to put it off - to keep that low grade worry in the back of my mind - but I really think I'm making the right decision.
And I really have you to thank for that.
And I don't know how to thank you.