Friday, October 9, 2009

Let's Hear It For The Girls!

As October is breast cancer awareness month, I felt I would be remiss if I didn't write a little something about the girls. Don't worry - I'm, not going to get sappy on you. You know what to do. Do your self-exams monthly. Have your mammograms annually. Take care of the girls. That's as close as I'm going to get to a PSA, I promise.

I was thinking more about that wonderful invention of Otto Titzling (inventor and kraut as per the Divine Miss M.) - or was it Philippe de Brassiere? Snopes says neither, but it's a fun story, anyway. Stupid Snopes - ruining everything with logic and truth. At any rate. I bought a couple bras today.

Yep. 45 minutes in the dressing room and $70 later, I'm the proud owner of two new bras. Oh, you're welcome, I'm sure. I've sworn to keep you abreast of every little detail of my mundane little life. (See what I did there? Abreast? Oh man - it's gonna be one of those days...) Tom was quite surprised by the price tag. And he didn't even know they were buy one, get one half off. $70 would keep him in undergarments for about - oh, I don't know - a decade? I'll need a couple more in three or four months. I used to be able to go a year, but the older I get and the harder they have to work, the more expensive they become and the less long they last. If I were so inclined I could draw you a graph of the inverse relationship at work here. There might already be one at that graph site Tom likes to go to, but I'm too lazy to look.

Anyway.

Many of you know - and some of you don't - and if you're one of those that don't (yet - muahahahaha), then that phrase "ignorance is bliss" was coined just for you, and you go ahead and enjoy that - don't let me burst your bubble - all about shopping for the girls as you and, consequently, they, get older. It becomes much less fun. I see girls shopping for bras and saying, "Oooooh! That's cute!" I shop for bras and say, "Hmmmm. That appears to be sturdy." Then they buy the bras AND the cute matching undies and STILL spend less than I did. What a drag it is getting old, huh?

The bra shopping expedition came about because of the laundry. I still have a lifting restriction, so my eldest is supposed to do the laundry. The other day at dinner, she exclaimed (and none too quietly, I might add), "Mom! Are you wearing a SPORTS BRA?"

"Yes."

"Nice uni-boob."

"If you don't like it you could, oh, I don't know, maybe DO THE DAMN LAUNDRY?" (I didn't really say that) Yes I did. No I didn't...

So she did the laundry, and two days later I'm down to a drawer full of sports bras and one lace bra. So, yeah, in THIS case, the problem wasn't that she wasn't being prompt with her chores, it was that one by one my strappy little soldiers had lost their battle without being replaced. It was time for new recruits.

So I donned the lace bra under a T-shirt, so you know I looked very classy. Seriously - lace bras - who the HELL came up with that? I mean, sure. They're pretty. I get that. But they don't look good under T-shirts. Or blouses for that matter. Or most dresses. I generally wear them under bulky sweaters or sweatshirts. Which sort of goes against the whole 'wearing them 'cause they're sexy' thing, no? Lace is not exactly the most comfy fabric to wear next to your tender girly bits, either, and I know I'm not the only one who thinks so. Oh, but they sure are pretty! Now I wonder if it was a man or a woman who came up with THAT brilliant idea? Sheesh.

But I've digressed.

Sorry.

I donned the lace bra under the T-shirt - threw on a jacket to cover as much of the dimpling effect as it could - and headed to the dressing room, where this story began. Good thing, too, because the underwire in this lace number is starting to feel a little wonky (as opposed to the usual level of comfort and freedom an underwire provides). I don't think it's long for this world.

Hoist 'em high, ladies.

And, um, gentlemen? I'm truly sorry. I know boobies are, like, totally your favorite and I've made them all mundane and utilitarian. Actually, I didn't even discuss the utilitarian parts - just the mundane parts. Sheesh. Sorry. Would it help if I said "boobies" again? Ok. Boobies.

27 comments:

Bass Is Life said...

hehe boobies!

Tammy Howard said...

Ah! An insightful comment from my husband Beavis. Or is that Butthead? (Love you, mean it!)

Gibby said...

Why is it that if you need a little more support, you must pay an arm and a leg? I'd gladly pay an arm and a boob if it meant I could get a discount. Oh, I kill myself!

And uniboob..remember that post you wrote about words that make you laugh? That's one I forgot to list.

carma said...

$70 and they were buy 1 get one half off -- dang - my boobies have never been treated that well :D

BTW, love the graphing site. Very clever..

MiMi said...

Oh, my poor boobies. They don't get the respect they deserve.
Feel your tata's ladies! Save second base! Respect the boobies. :)

Together We Save said...

Yes supporting the boobies is a job, and why do we have to pay so much for this support? Crazy

otin said...

I found this post titillating! LOL!

Jenni Jiggety said...

I have no boobs. It's so sad...

blueviolet said...

I have a hard time finding a bra for the opposite reason. They're ALL too big.

Melissa B. said...

As always, you run an entertaining gamut. From sports bras to lacy little things. Who knew? One of my close friends just had breast cancer and reconstructive surgery. She was going out bra-shopping with her daughter this afternoon. She's the type who will turn this into a funny tale. I'll keep you posted...PS-which book did you choose to crack open first?

Becky said...

That was a really long post about bras. OMGOSh! Your dedication to the pink shows, lol!

I do so love the part though about your one day price tag lasting your husband a decade in underware {{hehe}}...So true!!

Unknown Mami said...

Lace bras are useless. I refuse to have any.

Lolli said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mama-face said...

haha. The worst thing about bra shopping is the fact that you find one you love; perfect in every way. So perfect that you go to buy a new one and they don't make that style anymore. gah.

I have never really needed much of a bra (you so wanted to know that) but as I get older, (though there's still not much there); I need a bra more. More what? I'm tired; that paragraph made no sense!

Funny funny post.

Vodka Mom said...

As long as you didn't accidently buy a NURSING bra- you're in good shape!!


ha



ha

Vodka Mom said...

Oh, and tell Jenni J. that she can have some of mine. My cups overfloweth these days.


The ONLY benefit of gaining weight. ALthough I'm not sure it's a benefit.

Sandy said...

Not a lot of boobage going on around here. Funny post, thanks.

Hit 40 said...

I will wear a bra if my husband has to wear one too!!!

Don't worry... I layer my clothes and wear tank tops under my shirts from j jill. I love their tanks under dress shirts. I am sure you know the middle age look that I am talking about ;-)

Swine said...

What ever happened to JUGS? I sure miss jugs.

Joanna Jenkins said...

There is nothing better than a great fitting bra.
This was a great post.
xo

BONNIE K said...

Buying bras is one of my least favorite activities (second to coloring my hair). Why is it they always put the big sizes on the bottom, and we big women have a hard time leaning down that low?!

Yaya said...

Ah the uniboob, I know it well...

thatgirlblogs said...

gah, I hate bra shopping!

JennyMac said...

nice uniboob.


hahahahaha..

Pam said...

I have to agree that the older you get the more expensive the bras are. I used to be able to buy any cute, cheap bra but no more. Now it's expensive and well constructed or the results are less than appealing. Yuck!

The Grown-Up Child said...

"nice uniboob"

That was the best. I don't know, Tammy. I've been nursing for the past year and I'm absolutely petrified about what mine are going to look like when I'm done. I think I'll need about the sturdiest bras I can find to lift them and at least make them appear to be like they were. ;)

Melissa said...

ha! ha! ha!
I LOVED this post so much!
Just blogging through and saw the post so I stopped to take a peek...

I feel your pain about bras...
I've been a DD since high school and went to La Senza one day to find a bra... the girl looked at me and said "Oh, we don't have YOUR SIZE" like I was a freak... hank goodness a friend was with me or I'd a jumped over the counter like the part on the movie mean girls. Now I'm only 32 and I look for the "sturdiness" in a bra... it's so sad what damn gravity does