Friday, May 29, 2009

The Great Flap-Jack Flop

Liv: There's no cereal.

Momma: There's plenty of cereal.

Liv: There's no GOOD cereal. Can we make pancakes?

Momma: No - we're out of flour.

Liv: No we're not. There's lots of flour in here.

Momma: We're out of white flour.

Liv: So?

Momma: Sooooooo? So let's see what we can do...

I used my same old usual recipe that Liv and I love. We make pancakes together pretty often and she is a talented sous chef. She gathers all of the ingredients as I need them and puts them away as I finish with them. In lieu of white flour, we decided to use 1/2 whole wheat flour and half soy flour.

We should've known this was a mistake as soon as we saw the texture of the batter. It was - hmmmm - a bit on the firm side for pancake batter. No worries. We added a little more buttermilk. Still pretty darn firm. We added a little water. Getting closer - still a little on the glue-y side. I'd like to say that we added liquid until the correct consistency was achieved, but the truth is that we added liquid until we gave up.

The griddle was hot and I dropped the batter unto it with a spoon. When all of the pancakes had been ladled out, I licked the spoon.

Oh, give me a break. You've done it too.


It was - wretched.

I can handle a lot, but this concoction I spit right out. I never do that. I flipped the pancakes then rinsed my mouth out. Awful awful awful. And because of the glue-y texture, it just wasn't coming out. I was gonna need to brush my teeth - a LOT - to get rid of this taste. And one doesn't have the leisure to brush one's teeth when one has pancakes on the griddle.

At this point, by the way, they actually looked pretty good. But that taste was still lingering in my mouth and I wasn't going near them. I told her she could try one but didn't have to. She took one bite and offered the rest to the dog. The dog, who thinks it's a fine, fine day if she can find a pair of dirty socks or underwear to gnaw on, rejected it.

Liv: Can we go to Tim Horton's?

Momma: Yes. Yes we can.


Anita said...

LOL!!!! This is a great story, and a lesson in how NOT to make pancakes. I have my mom's recipe......yummmmm, reminds me we need flour.
Tim Hortons, haven't seen one of those since my trip to Nova Scotia a few years ago.

Bass Is Life said...

That's awesome that even Molly wouldn't eat it.

mama-face said...

that's why god made pancake mix. For use only in an emergency, of course. otherwise I always make my own sous chef pancakes.

Jenni Jiggety said...

When in doubt, go ahead and eat out!

Words to live by!

MiMi said...

Welcome to my world. I have something like this at least once a week! I need a sous chef. I don't mind the cooking, but getting it all out and then putting it away...too much work!

Alex the Girl said...

I wonder if I use your recipe if I can get to go out tonight as well. Hmmm...

You're so awesome.

Brandy said...

LOL! I wonder which one runied it...b/c I use a combo of wheat & white flour in my recipe. That is when I'm out of bisquick or Hungry jack mix. :0

Pam said...

Did the taste of the donuts finally get rid of the horrible pancake batter?

Grand Pooba said...

Ha! Oh those kitchen disasters sometimes :)

Ok, soy flour? Who has soy flour as a staple in the kitchen? lol!

Grand Pooba said...

Oh, if you have any leftovers my dog would love some!

Unknown Mami said...

Too funny. I can't tell you how many similar incidents we've had in our kitchen. If we're out of one ingredient, we try to substitute and it rarely works out. The worst is having to clean up the mess and having nothing to show for it.

Housewife Savant said...

You even rock the Bad Pancakes.
Your underwear-chewing dog even turned up her nose - too funny.

Debbie said...

Hysterical. I have had some bad substitution experiences as well.

Shauna said...

I am new here! What a great blog :)

WhisperingWriter said...


I've had kitchen issues like that too.

I've never heard of soy flour before. Interesting.

MaryRC said...

i cant tell you how many times ive tried something new, the kids complain as i dish it out, whine as i set it in front of them, make faces as they put it in their mouth, bow their sad faces as i scold them "im never gonna cook for you again, eat your dinner", then their eyes widen as i take my first bite, and finally their delight as i gather the plates and scrape them into the trash!

MiMi said...

Hey Tammy! I have an award for you if you wanna come over and get it!!
: )

Kelley said...

as soon as I saw soy flour I KNEW!

I do gluten free for Boo and haven't touched soy or rice flour in a LONG time. Ewwwww.

You shoulda gone all whole wheat.

Or try buckwheat. YUM!