Not What You Had in Mind (An Open Letter for Mother's Day)

Dear Mom,

Our relationship has never been traditional. Right from the start we did things differently. Most babies make their presence known to their mothers via a series of physical manifestations - dizziness, nausea, a missed period... You learned about me through a phone call. "We have a baby for you, if you're interested."

Not what you had in mind, but you'd make it work.

You, the pale, green-eyed German blonde, were handed your little girl - a swarthy little olive-skinned creature with masses of coal black hair.

The only baby picture of myself I could find! I know I have boxes of them somewhere...

Not what you had in mind, but you'd make it work.

Mom and Dad in the pre-baby days

You were athletic and popular. You were so pretty. As I grew, I was clumsy and weird. I always had my nose in a book. You grew excited at sporting events. I was moved by music. We didn't really know what to make of each other.

Not what we had in mind, but we'd make it work.

You were sick a lot. You spent too much time in the hospital. I missed you.

Not what I had in mind, but I'd make it work.

You were - are - a planner. I was - am - a free spirit. Our habits regarding these traits drove each other nuts. You demanded order. I required spontaneity. You were a worker bee. I was a forest fairy. A weird, clumsy, bookish forest fairy.

Not what we had in mind, but we'd make it work.

Your friends kids got married and made them grandmas. Your sisters kids got married and made her a grandma. I traveled and matriculated long past the age when most had put away their school books and moved on into the real world. I didn't have any interest in anything that was going to tie me down for longer than a semester at a time. I was flighty long past the age when such a quality might have possibly been interpreted as charming.

Me with other people's babies - my cousin's babies, to be exact.

Not what you had in mind, but you'd make it work.

You lived in the same town forever and wouldn't have - wouldn't - dream of moving. I moved when I got bored. Which was a lot. I always worked in my field, but not in traditional ways. You never knew what to make of my choices.

Not what you had in mind, but you'd make it work.

Eventually I did settle down and get married and start making with the grandbabies.

Mom and Lea

That was more like what you had in mind. You could work with this.

Since then, of course, we've learned that there are as many similarities as there are differences.

Mom and Liv walking on the beach this February in Myrtle Beach

We're both happier near water. We both enjoy long walks through the woods, on the beach, even through the neighborhood. We both laugh until we cry (and sometimes until we emit other bodily fluids, but that's not a tale for polite company). We both talk too much. We're both generous with our time, attention, and affection. We both care deeply.

Most of the things that are good and true about me came from you.

Shelby, Wendy, Dad, Mom, Liv, Me, Lea, Tom, Cooper

I hope that's close to what you had in mind. I think it's kind of worked.

I love you, Mom.



P.S. Happy Mother's Day to you, too! I hope if motherhood isn't exactly what you had in mind, at least it's something you can work with.