Rule Breaker

I am, in general, a rule follower. I respect authority and fear retribution. I have probably mentioned these attributes of my personality before, but they bear repeating.

Once - when Lea was much younger - I didn't feed her exactly what she wanted for dinner and she refused to eat what I'd prepared. She stomped off to her room screaming, "You DO know it's against the law to starve your children, right?" I reminded her that not serving her whatever she wanted whenever she wanted it did not constitute starvation. Her retort? A very loud, "How does it feel to be a LAW BREAKER"?

A few months ago, I was given an iPad for work. I signed a waiver saying that I would only use it for work purposes. I didn't find many reasons to use it in that capacity and it sat dormant in my tote bag.

A few days ago, Tom and I started flirting with the idea of an e-reader of some sort. I've been a hold out for all of the reasons you hear from anyone who is a hold out - which basically boil down to: I like books. I like albums, too, but that doesn't mean I don't have an mp3 player, y'know? The future - no - the present - is there. I need to catch up. Tut has a Kindle, for Pete's sake! The man isn't allowed to have a cell phone, but he has a Kindle! My father is more technologically advanced than I am! I should be ashamed of myself.

So we decided - I have the iPad in my possession for two more months - I should give it a test run. A few months ago someone in the organization in a position of some authority over me told me to go ahead and use the iPad - download some apps, read some books - we all do - that waiver is just a CYA sort of thing.

Well, fear-er of retribution that I am, covering my ass is a process I am fond of and have great respect for.

But I also thought it would be silly to not see what the whole fuss was about while I had an opportunity to do so at no expense to myself.

So I set off to find a book to download.

I was feeling quite the rebel.

I didn't want to invest in my experiment, so I looked through the pages and pages and pages of free downloads that are available. I settled on one about serial killers. I sure do like that Dexter.

I started reading and was surprised (as every book lover seems to be when they make the switch) at how easy and pleasant it was to read this way. I still like books - and will continue to buy them, I'm sure - but I do see an e-reader of some sort in my future.

But you don't want to hear about that.

The first chapter of my first e-book on my work iPad - work which, by the way, involves working with young children - contained one of the most graphic rape-murder-rape (oh yeah, it went there...) scenes I've ever read. Maybe not, I don't know - but certainly the most graphic rape-murder-rape scene I've ever read on a device I was going to have to turn over to my supervisors in 2 months. I couldn't help seeing it through their eyes. Seeing ME through their eyes. And I looked like QUITE the sicko.

Fuck.

I couldn't have just downloaded an innocent romance. Something historical. Something educational, maybe. Something normal. Nope. I had to go straight for the sick shit. Brilliant.

Tom assures me we'll be able to erase every trace of it before I have to turn it in. He better be right.

This is what happens when habitual rule-followers attempt to break the rules. We break them GOOD.