Two Rules

So the doc says to me, he says:  One meal. Every 7-10 days. Anything my little heart desires. Two rules.

Rule #1:  Never have this free meal for breakfast. His reasoning was that eating something not-so-good-for-you first thing in the morning will make you feel like crap all day. Later in the day it will effect you for the same amount of hours, but you'll be sleeping for most of them.

Now I feel compelled to share a story at this time. I told you that in the past two months I could count the amount of times I'd - for lack of a better word, although I sort of hate using this one in relation to food - cheated - on one hand.  Out of those times, only two of them involved sugar - and I felt crummy afterwards.  Like - REALLY crummy.  Curl-up-in-a-ball-make-the-world-go-away crummy.  I says to Tom, I says, "So there really is something to this. This food makes me feel awful."

"But you've been eating like that your whole life and it never made you feel awful before."

"I was pretty accustomed to feeling awful. I just accepted it. Awful was the old normal. Now I know what it feels like to feel - not awful. I prefer not awful."

So.

Never for breakfast. 

Not a terribly invasive rule.

No law against pancakes for dinner. It wouldn't even be unprecedented.

I got this one.

Rule #2:  Never booze. Not even on free-for-all day. Never. He said my body does awful things with it and instead of screwing me up for hours it screws me up for days. It is the one and only thing that he said is off-limits, never okay ever.

This poses a bit more of a problem.

I have always been a social drinker. That's the box I check. I drink socially. I meet people for a cocktail. I join people for a beer. I celebrate with champagne. I relax with wine. I never do these things alone, but they are things I really, really enjoy doing socially. Actually, I find it hard to imagine being social without it. Living without it? Sure. I can do that. I don't - like - wake up and crack a beer before breakfast or anything. On a day to day basis it will not really be all that difficult. But how in the world am I expected to be social? I do not particularly want the life of the permanent designated driver.

Rule #2 blows.

So.

My birthday is in a month. The big 5-0. I've been practicing saying it for two years. "I'm pushing fifty." "I'm almost fifty." Saying it out loud. Getting accustomed to it. Making it fit.  Making it normal. I guess I need to start practicing "I don't drink." "I'm a non-drinker." 

Oh, man.

That doesn't feel right at ALL.

I have to do it, though.

I don't want feeling awful to feel normal ever again.

I love how I feel now.

But nothing good comes without sacrifice.

No thanks, I don't drink.

I can say good-bye to booze. It could be worse. Karen Carpenter said good-bye to love. 

Patty Smyth said good-bye to you. 

Rhonda Weiss said good-bye to saccharine. 

I can say good-bye to booze.

I can.

Ugh.