Truly Authentic

My new buddy Allison at Life of a Tater Tot Mom has tagged me as a Theta Mom - that is, THE True Authentic Mom. Ok, first of all, I'm always jealous of people named Allison, because they get that awesome Elvis Costello song and I just get that stupid 'Tammy's in Love' business. She gets "Alison, I know this world is killing you" and I get "The ole hootie owl hootie-hoo's to the dove - Tammy, Tammy, Tammy's in love".... and that is just patently unfair.

Part of being a True Authentic Mom is realizing that things aren't always fair all the time.

Sometimes you might want to go see Ace Frehley, but you go see a Jr. High orchestra concert instead, because you're a mom. Sometimes you want to see Aerosmith and KISS share a frackin' stage, but you send your kid to college instead, because you're a mom. (Because holy man! Have you SEEN how much tickets for a show like that cost?) Sometimes you want to drink martini's on a Friday night, but you take your kids to see New Moon instead, because you're a mom. (Ok, that one's totally not true. I'm totally going to drink martini's Friday night, because I'm the mom and I said so, dammit! But that just means I'll have to take them the next afternoon with a potential hangover. And I will. Because I'm a mom.)

See? Things aren't always fair.

Now, being tagged as a Theta Mom has some responsibilities and one of them is that I share five experiences that have shaped me as a true authentic mom. The other is that I tag five other folks who I think bring a certain sense of authenticity to the title of mom - and I will - I'll do that - just be patient. Sometimes you just have to be patient, whether it's fair or not.

I decided that, rather than write my own list, I'd turn it over to the folks who made me a mom in the first place. They didn't necessarily choose particular experiences, but rather generalizations. I figured that was close enough for rock and roll. Tom was the first person responsible for my motherhood, so he got the first shot (my comments are parenthetical and italicized.)

1. She gives up a lot for the family. She gave up her career. (and my youth and my beauty and travel and money and manicures, but never tequila...)

Lea was next to throw something into the pot:

2. She lets us go to concerts...even ones she doesn't like that much...and that are loud. (oh, bless your heart. I would NEVER take you a concert for a band I didn't like that much. And FYI? The TV can be too loud, but a concert really can't. Thanks, though, for thinking that's a sacrifice!)

Liv threw in the third one:

3. She lets me play my loud drums and not let it annoy her. (I admit it. I'm a saint.)

The girls came up with the next one together:

4. She always understands when we're on our periods. (due in large part to the fact that I never gave up tequila.)

Then they left, because they had more important things to do than stroke my ego (tell me more about my eyes...) and also because House was coming on and Dr. House always trumps me. So I was left to come up with the fifth one on my own.

5. I think being a true, authentic mom means giving up on perfection. Good thing I'd never really been much of a perfectionist in the first place. My heart hurts for those moms who are. Sometimes good enough just needs to be good enough. Before I had kids I did a lot of home visits in the course of my job and I always thought, smugly, that I could do it better. My kids would never ________, my house would always ________. Whatever you filled those blanks in with was probably right. But guess what? My kids aren't perfect and my house isn't perfect and I am far, far, far from perfect. But Lea said to me the other day (she said), "I love being in our family." Now Lea is thirteen and just about as ornery as the day is long. She has raised eye-rolling to an art form. I would not have been surprised if she'd said, "I hate this family!" (hurt, but not surprised). But she loves being a part of us, in all our imperfection. In all our true authenticity, if you will. So I guess I'm saying that I think being a true authentic mom has to do with accepting your true authentic family, warts and all.

Now for the tagging part. I find the following moms to be very true and authentic, so, tag! You're it!

Mamaface at Blog-Ignoramous
Unknown Mami at, um, Unknown Mami
Traci at 38 and Growing
Tiffany at ElastaMom's Excerpts
Mandy at Mandy's Life After 30

Aaaaaaand this is the reason I don't do many awards - I hate the passing on part - I always feel like I'm leaving someone important out and I hate, hate, hate that. Hate it. But this isn't an award, it's a tag. So I feel a little better about that. It's unfair that I had to choose only five out of all of my great mom friends. But, like we've already established, this mom thing isn't always fair.

Did Someone Say Fabu?

Warning - cussing, cussing, and more cussing in this post. And then I cuss. A lot. If that offends you, shoo! Come back tomorrow when I'll be more my sweet temperate self. If that doesn't offend you, read on!

Ok, I've tried to be modest, but it's true. I'm fucking fabulous. At least my blog is. How do I know? Same way I know everything I know. Someone told me. In this case, two someones, specifically MzBehavin at Positively Neurotic Me and Mimi at Living in France. They are both pretty fucking fabulous, too, if you ask me.


Man, that was a lot of gratuitous fucking cussing for one of my posts! I usually try to keep the cussing minimal, for maximum impact. (On the blog, at least. I can hear the people I know in real life snickering, because in real life maximum impact is apparently something I go for a lot. A whole fucking lot.)

Anyhoodle, if I haven't already offended your virgin ears - or - er - eyes too much, the requirements of this fu - oh, forget it - it's not even fun anymore. The requirements of this award are that I share 5 current obsessions and pass it along to five other blogs with a similar level of fabulosity. I'll share my obsessions - I've got nothing to hide - but I never like singling out anyone to pass an award on to. If you're still here after all the cussing, you're fucking fabulous. If you've left me comment love, you're fucking fabulous. If you've clicked my 'follow' button, you're fucking fabulous. Take it - it's yours. Now on to the obsessions:

1. I am obsessed with the upcoming Alice in Wonderland movie. I have devoured every little morsel that has been leaked with gusto. If you've read my profile, you know that a Tim Burton/Johnny Depp/ Helena Bonham Carter project has never ever failed me. This one looks astounding. I have a very important date in March. An important date in 3-fucking D! March is so faaaaaaar!!!!!

2. I am obsessed with aging. I think about it all the time. That is sometimes as negative as it sounds and sometimes it's downright positive, but it is never far from my mind. My fucking mind, to those of you who are fabulous.

3. I am obsessed with bags. No, not beautiful, expensive purses. I can walk by Kate Spade without a glance. Coach? You have no more power over me. Ok, I did spare a quick peak at the Henri Bendel bags in a display window recently, but it was just a quick peak. I didn't, you know, touch them or smell them or anything. I'm talking about bags. Reusable shopping bags. I've spoken about this before. I don't know why I love the darn things so much, but I do. I buy them all the time. And now that festival season is upon us, a lot of folks are giving them away for free. For FREE, ya'll!!! I have big ones and small ones and some that fold up in my purse. I have some for grocery shopping and some for clothing/other shopping. I have big insulated bags for cold/frozen food. Just call me the fucking bag lady.

4. I am obsessed with yarn! Anyone who knows me knows that I'm gonna embarrass them if they go into a yarn store with me. I don't treat yarn with the restraint I offer to fine purses. I touch EVERYthing. I smell quite a lot. I smell quite a lot of YARN, is what I'm saying. I PERSONALLY smell like a subtle blend of jasmine and sandalwood with gentle rose undertones. I don't even know what the fuck that means. It just sounded like it might be a nice way to smell. Ahem. But yarn - oh, I can't get enough of it. I would write an ode to it, if I were the sort of person who could write odes. Since I can't I'll just touch it and smell it and knit, knit, knit.

5. Lastly, I am obsessed with seventies and eighties nostalgia tours. Friday begins the week of a thousand bands. It's really just seven, but seven bands in seven days - well, technically eight days - is nothing to scoff at. But it doesn't sound as cool as the week of a thousand bands. We're kicking it off next Friday with the Prodigals. Saturday, Alice Cooper! Suck it, Mom! (That was for you, E. I hope you're reading. That's my nod to Suck it Sunday!). Wednesday, Joan Jett and the B-52's and Friday, Pat Benetar, Blondie and The Donnas. That is a whole lot of late seventies early eighties goodness. I am so fucking psyched! Watch this space.

This concludes my fucking fabulous post. I hope you have a fabulous fucking day. Tomorrow I return to my regular blog voice. Hopefully. No wonder people overuse the 'f' word so much. It is way easier than actually searching for a less base word to express one's true meaning...

"10"

Pam at Pam's Perspective tagged me, so I guess I'm it! (I always suspected that I might be, but it's nice to have confirmation!)

The object of the game, in this case, is to open your first photo folder, open the 10th photo and tell a story about it.


I'll be honest, folks. This wasn't my first photo folder. The first didn't even have 10 pictures in it. The tenth photo in the second was so dark I could've told you anything and you would've had no choice but to believe. So this is the tenth picture from my third folder.


This was taken at Lea's tenth birthday party (right in keeping with the '10' theme, no?)

She had a makeover party.

The two girls in the near background are having pedicures and manicures. In the far background, at the table, girls are having facials, getting a light make-up application, and having their hair done. (Also in keeping with the '10' theme, many of them ended up with elaborate braids. It's almost like we were anticipating this post)

I thought we'd make things as beauty-parlory as possible, so we had a wide array of magazines in the waiting area. I bought every tween mag on the news stand. Because I am just that cool. At least that's what the woman at the checkout counter thought. She didn't think my apparent obsession with Zac Efron was weird or pervy at all.

I had four adults helping me with the party and they all went home with spa gift bags, just like the girls did. Except theirs included wine and chocolate. And pictures of Zac Efron. Which I thought was the least I could do after they gave up a weekend night to help me deal with a house full of ten year olds.

Now I am to tag a few more folks, but ya'll - I'm on vacation! So I'm gonna be just a little lazy and say, if you want to play, consider yourself tagged!

Because you? Are it!

Isn't it Lovely?

As award season continues, I am pleased and proud to accept the One Lovely Blog award from the - well - lovely and talented Pam at Pam's Perspective. Thanks, Pam!!! I think you're pretty lovely, too!

Isn't it pretty? Pam asked me to link you up with a ton of new links, but I'm playing kind of fast and furious with the rules. I'm just gonna give you one, but I'm gonna make it count. I'd like you all to take a moment and visit with Melissa at:

Operation NICE

I've been following this blog since its inception and I think Melissa is da bomb. She reminds us of how simple it can be to make a difference. She shares inspirational stories, offers great links, and gives regular assignments to help us all to be just a little bit nicer. She also frequently offers free downloads to help you along this path. She manages to do all of this without ever ever ever coming off as preachy or judgmental.

So do me a favor. Treat yourself to a few moments there. You won't be sorry. It is indeed, One Lovely Blog.

Welcome to The Big FIB!

As this week finds my ACTUAL self at the beach, I've decided, in accordance with the plans of the insanely creative Housewife Savant, to welcome a few of you - my virtual buds - to spend a weekend at my VIRTUAL beach house. No RSVP necessary, you're already THERE baby.

Welcome to Fantasy Island Beach (or, as it will say on our bumper stickers, FIB). Smiles, everyone, smiles!

You'll notice that Shannon is here, tending bar. I asked Shannon to develop a commemorative drink for our little island beach weekend, but he refused. I was a little confused, because he is usually happy to oblige (he's also quick with a joke and to light up your smoke). It became clear when he was given a moment to explain. He wanted to develop a signature drink for each individual visitor to the island. That's just like Shannon, taking the time to get to know you and wanting to make sure you feel special just because you're who you are. That's sort of our unspoken motto here on the island, actually. So chat him up a little bit and let him figure out just what to put in your glass to make your stay more refreshing as well as enjoyable. The resources are endless here at FIB.

Tom is here, too. Tom is playing in a little ensemble for your musical entertainment. Whatever kind of music makes you happiest, that's what they're playing right now. Requests? They live for them. The only request of the band is that if you're in their immediate staging area, you're either listening or dancing. They do not want to be - nor should they be - treated like background music. They're here for you. Give 'em some love.

Jenny Penny is here, but you might not notice her right away. She is spending a lot of time tucked away in a private cabana. I suspect she is taking advantage of the peaceful atmosphere here at FIB and catching up on her sleep. Sweet dreams, Jenny! Sweet, gentle island dreams. No worries. If you feel like a cocktail, or some music, or some socialization - cause we'd all like to bask in your well-rested brilliance a little bit - you know where to go. It's all here. But if you just want to rest in the quiet, that's cool, too.

I see Pam and Anita and Mama-face! There they are! Down on the beach reading. I can't be sure from here, but I think they're all wearing rather glorious sun hats to shade their eyes while they read. That may just be my projection. I love a pretty sun hat, but if you girls don't, just feel free to take them off. Leave the books, though. Man, they've got a whole library in a basket down there. They have fluffy beach reads and bodice rippers, they have historical fiction, they have classics, they have best sellers, they seem to have it all! And the best part? They have an infinite amount of time in which to enjoy them. I'm hoping they all mosey up to the bar from time to time to share their insights.

Swine? Is that you at the bar? I'm so glad you're here! Sorry about all the unfortunate goings on around your name and stuff. Hopefully a few days on the FIB will smooth it over. There are a lot of brilliant, interesting, funny people here on the island. I think you'll fit right in. Cheers.

Gibby! Chris! Stop trying to organize everything and just relax! We've got it all under control here! You only need to concern yourself with your own needs today. Rest. Drink. Converse. Have a massage, if you want. It's all good. No worries on the FIB.

Alex the Girl, I'm so glad you could make it! When the band takes a break, Tom is anxious to discuss sci-fi from the 70's with you! The folks at the bar were all just saying they'd like to hear a good joke or two, so maybe you'd like to head on over that way.

It wouldn't be a party, virtual or otherwise, without Pink. Glad you could make it, Pink. I assume you've already met the official island photographer? I know how much you love to have your picture taken. Well, pose away! The natural backdrops are gorgeous!

Sir Hook! Nobility at my little bash. You honor me with your presence. I think you'll like it here on FIB! Shannon and Swine are chatting over at the bar, Tom says you're welcome to jam with the band, and the ladies here are pretty much unequaled in their beauty and in their conversational skills. Drink, play, chat and gaze away.

Of course none of this would have been possible if it weren't for Housewife Savant. Ms. Savant, may I say that you are rockin' that bikini? I have a special surprise for you: all of the breads and desserts here on the FIB 24 hour buffet are low cal and carb-free. Full taste, too. Not like when they say it's gonna taste good and you'll never know the difference but it totally doesn't taste good and you totally know the difference. Really truly full taste. Don't give 'em a second thought. I don't want to monopolize your time, because I know you'll want to visit with everyone and make them all feel special, 'cause that's just the way you are. Later, though, we are totally going to rock out. Totally.

And you! I'm so glad you could make it, too! Please have Shannon make you a drink, then find your pleasure and indulge in it.

I hope you enjoyed your little stay here on the FIB, where the weather is always beautiful and the water is always clear and warm. Where the sun will tan you (if you want it to) but it will never burn. Where everyone is happy about how they look in their beachwear. Come back any time.

I now return you to your regularly scheduled life, already in progress.

I'd Like to Thank the Academy

Anita at A Wife, A Woman, A Mom just gave me my first awards - TWO of 'em, no less!

The Housewife Savant immediately followed with one of her own.

Who knew it was award season?

As I walk the red carpet to humbly accept my awards, you'll probably want to know that I'm wearing Threadless. People seem to want to know these things. I did my own hair. My jewelry was graciously provided by Swatch. After I bought it. Yep, the glamour and elegance that I live with every single day are heavy in the air tonight.

I take my seat and anxiously watch other bloggers receive their awards and read their acceptance speeches through tears and nervous laughter. I am smug. I shall not succumb to any of that foolishness. I shall accept my awards with the humble nobility for which I am known. Ahem.

Anita takes the stage. She looks lovely, as usual. We'll have to ask her who she's wearing.

She says:

The lemonade award is for showing great attitude and/or gratitude. Each award has a pay it forward concept...

The Rules:

1. Put the logo on your blog, nominate at least 10 blogs, which show great attitude and/or gratitude.
2. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post.
3. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
4. Share the love and link to this post, and/or to the person from whom you received your award.

The lemonade award goes to: six people who aren't me, and, (drumroll please...) ME! Yay!

I am so honored to be perceived as someone who has a great attitude and/or expresses gratitude. There are some in my direct line of fire who may disagree with this assessment, but they're not the ones handing out awards now, are they?

I would like to do my part to pay it forward by nominating:

Shannon of Pragmatic Optimism
Gibby of Lost in Suburban Bliss
Jenny Penny of Welcome to My Momplex

I return to my seat to look over my shiny new award and try to figure out how to get it to display in my sidebar. I've no sooner figured it out (With a little help from my friends. Thanks again, Anita. And your daughters. And my husband.) than my name is called again.

This time, the award is: The Kreativ Blogger Award. Anita explains that the rules for this one are:

1. List 7 things that you love.
2. Link to the person who has tagged you
3. Choose 7 more bloggers to give the Kreativ Award to.

First of all, 'creative' (or, 'kreativ', as the case may be) is one of the few compliments that I tend to manage to accept gracefully. It's a side I haven't shown TOO much of on this blog, opting instead to have a separate blog just for showing off my craftier side. It's relatively new, but I have a couple wips (works in progress) that I can't WAIT to show off!

Without further ado,

Seven Things I Love:
1. Sunrises
2. Live Music
3. Girls Nights Out
4. Yarn
5. Books
6. Coffee
7. VACATIONS

I would like to nominate the following creative bloggers to carry on the tradition:

Chris of Chez Zimmer
Pink of The Pink Owl Diaries (shameless self promotion)
Becky of Frantic Mommy

Okay, I totally cheated and only nominated three folks for each. I am trying to steer clear of folks I regularly read who have just received the same or similar awards or requests.

Next on the stage is Housewife Savant. She looks resplendent in - hey! - who are you wearing, babe? Ms. Savant's award is described as follows:

Your mission, should you chose to accept it, is to grab an award and post. It. Out.
Don’t be afraid. Or do.
Select at least 7 of your favorite bloggers and create the scenario of an outing.
Host a luncheon, see a movie, or go to the park.
Enjoy Ladies Night. You deserve to pretend that you’re going someplace.
Don’t be afraid. Or do.
Treat everyone to a day at the spa, because you’re worth play money.
Go to a play, or the opera. See a movie, meet for coffee, shop at the mall or a bookstore.
The sky is the limit. Because we're all gonna go along with pretending you're that good.

Write something unique that each of Chosen Few would contribute if you actually got met these peeps in real life. Or don’t, cuz real life is the scary part.

Be sure to pick up the check. Your ersatz generosity will impress your imaginary friends.

I think we can all agree that responding to that request will require a post all it's own. Stay tuned!

I will be changing into an elegant pajama ensemble for the after-party, where, if you're really sweet to me, and maybe buy me a martini, I'll let you bask in the glow of my awards.

Tagged! Booya!

Pam of Pam's Perspective tagged me. (And if you're not reading Pam already, scoot on over there and check her out. Go ahead. I'll wait.)

I have been asked to reveal thirteen things about myself that you wouldn't already know and then tag three other bloggers to do the same. As I am what they call a 'naked blogger' - I tend to lay it all out there - this might be tough. Those of you who know me in the real world - particularly those of you who have known me a long time probably know most of these things. Some of them may have popped up in the blog, I'm not completely sure. But in the spirit of the game, I've tried to pick things that are obscure or that I don't talk about a lot. Or that I do talk about a lot, just not in this forum. So I guess today I go from naked blogging to nekkid blogging. More naked than naked.

1. My middle name is Lu. That's right, try it on - roll it around on your tongue. Tammy Lu. To misappropriate West Side Story lyrics, say it loud and it's music playing. Say it soft and it's almost like praying. Ahem. It draws up a certain image, no? Tell the truth - whether you have an accent or not, you said my name with an accent. And it wasn't continental.

The story goes that my mother wanted to name me Anna Marie. My father took one look at me and said, "She's Tammy Lu." Wow. Thanks, Dad. When my sister came along two years later, Mom wanted to name her Michelle Renee. Dad said, "She's Wendy Sue." Yep. Tammy Lu and Wendy Sue.

There are people in my life who still call me Tammylu or Tamlu or Tamalu. It's as close to a nickname as I've ever come. It is said with such affection that I have learned to love it. But that took a loooooooong time.

2. I have a small tattoo of a treble clef on the outside of my right ankle. While the ink was still fresh, I fell in love with a bass player who has spent the last decade and a half trying to talk me into a bass clef either below it or on the other ankle. I might surprise him and do it some day. (side note - so now you know that 'Bass is life' who shows up in my comments from time to time is my handsome hubby - does that count as another revelation?)

3. If you want to make me weep - instantly - play the first couple notes of the theme music for 'Brian's Song'. I know that's a pretty big club - the got-way-too-emotional-while-watching-a-daggarned-made-for-TV-movie-about-an-athlete club. But I'm in it. Big time.

4. If when you read "weep - instantly" your mind filled in the blanks with,

"It's in D-minor, which I always find is the saddest of all keys, really. I don't know why, but it makes people weep instantly to hear it."

then maybe we need to hang out. Spinal Tap is my favorite movie ever and if you can quote it fluently and at random, I will probably like you even if I don't like anything else about you. My love for that movie goes to eleven.

My love for Christopher Guest goes to eleven. Maybe eleven and a half.

And I am seeing them unwigged and unplugged next month. Woot woot!

5. While we're talking music (sort of), my favorite song evah is 'Wild World' by Cat Stevens. It is so sweet and simple and it melts me.

6. That revelation being made, the next one might not seem like such a revelation at all. Ya see, I'm a rocker chick. I like pure uncut rock and I like it a lot. I like it loud and fast. Music, that is. Sheesh. You guys have dirty minds. You should be ashamed. Anyway. Yep, a hard rocker. That's me. Sold my soul for rock and roll. A hard rocker who swoons over - Barry Manilow. I have seen him a couple times. Maybe three. I don't know. (I totally know! It's three! And the third time I was in the backstage area when his limo pulled in and he got out and waved at me - maybe at the crowd in general, but I think it was probably just at me - and I yelled, "I LOVE YOU BARRY" and he blew me a kiss, so I think maybe we're engaged.) Truly, though? I have been to a lot of concerts in my day. Most of them, like I said, not exactly in this genre. I have never seen anyone who loves their audience the way he does. It is contagious and fun. I went the first time to appease a friend, but the second two times were all me. I'd go again, too! Don't you judge me...

7. I have a BS in Elementary Education and an M.Ed. in Special Education with a concentration in Early Childhood. I was well on my way to a Ph.D. in Early Childhood with a concentration in
Special Education when I got pregnant with Lea. I developed pre-eclampsia during the pregnancy and was put on complete bed rest for several months. School was obviously put on hold. I took another semester off when she was a newborn. I tried to go back the following semester. It didn't work out. I just couldn't find the sense in sitting in an ivory tower talking about hypothetical children with hypothetical issues when I had a very real baby at home who might be missing me right now. Heaven knows I was missing her. I have a friend who calls that 'uterus tugs'. I couldn't concentrate - none of it made sense anymore. School became so irrelevant for me. I quit - assuming I could always return to it when the girls were no longer babies. The urge to do so has never hit.

8. Rightly or wrongly, I assign a lot of value and importance to dreams. Most of my recurrent dreams are pretty typical and easy to figure out, but when I have a dream I can't figure out, I head straight for the dream dictionary.

9. I have lived in 9 homes in 5 states. I realize that that's a lot to some and hardly any to others.

10. One of those states was Texas. I lived there for all of 11 months in 1984-1985. I still say ya'll pretty regularly and when I get a little liquor in me, "fixin' to" has been known to pass my lips. Eleven months! Over twenty years ago! And the influence is still there. That is one strong-ass accent. Don't mess with Texas.

11. I cry every time the curtain opens on a show. Whether it's a Broadway show or a rock concert or a high school production; a ballet or the opera; you name it - that moment - that split second before the show starts - when all the anticipation is over - I get a big ole lump in my throat and am usually glad that that moment coincides with the lights going down. Because I am a big fat theater wuss. I've even had that reaction to long awaited movies and two or three times to TRAILERS for long awaited movies. Go ahead. Call me a cry-baby. It will only make me think of Johnny Depp.

12. My husband fixes my coffee for me every weekend and vacation morning - basically whenever I'm awake when he gets up. He brings it to me wherever I am. It is such a small gesture, but so very sweet.

13. I do not feel as old as I am and when my body reminds me, I get really pissed.

Well, there you go. Thirteen things. Brevity is not a stronghold, apparently. But that's something you probably already knew.

Now to tag three folks who haven't been recently tagged with this or something similar...

Tom at Adventitious Cerebration
Cassie at Eug
Mama-face at Blog Ignoramus

No obligation, guys, but if you choose to participate, I'll sure be reading!