Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Be Who You Be

I have done a better job of teaching this mantra than I have of living it.

My children live this mantra. I am mostly thankful for this. They know who they are and they don't compromise. One is quieter about it; one more 'in your face'. Both are strong in their convictions. I raised them to be this way. I am proud of them.

Me? I don't want to make waves. I know there are people who thrive on heated debate. I do not count myself among their ranks. I will listen to people whose opinions differ from my own. When they are well-spoken, I even enjoy listening to them. But I rarely offer dissension. There are a few who will push my buttons almost mercilessly trying to get a rise out of me. They rarely succeed. When they do, they are no doubt disappointed that said rise manifests itself in tears more often than it does in angry discourse.

Then I go home and go into a 'can you believe he/she said that?' discourse with my husband who I can usually count on to be like-minded and to offer support for my side of the argument that never even happened.

I wish I were stronger.

I wish I knew how to 'be who I be'.

I hope you know how to 'be who you be'.

17 comments:

Bass Is Life said...

I think being someone who doesn't debate doesn't make you less relevant. I don't debate either. Even if it's something I feel strongly about. I figure I have no more chance of changing their mind than they have of changing mine. So it really serves no purpose other than to raise my blood pressure to dangerous levels.

You know who you are - you just often wish you were someone else. Again, like me.

Tammy Howard said...

Is it any wonder why you're my favorite? Thanks babe!

mama-face said...

I like how you be what you be.

Where better to vent than with your husband; you know, if it's just to share what's happened that day.

One time I got so angry with a guy gathering carts at Costco; and I'm pretty sure i felt worse than he did; I vowed I would never do that again. I hated how it made me feel.

thank you ever so much for your visits. (that is not my reason for stopping)

Shannon Baskind said...

I think the sentiment of your post is beautiful. If only more people practiced what you've preached! (Not that your post was 'preachy'..you know what I mean, hopefully.)

You've inspired my next post. Friend, role model, muse - is there anything you can't do?? ;-)

Boat drinks soon...

Laura F. said...

You know...I see you so differently than you see yourself....I think you are eloquent in your thoughts, firm in your convictions. I don't think you're the least bit unsure of yourself...Beautiful, confident and smart....in my book, sister...you're a winner all the way around. Love you Tam!

Tammy Howard said...

Aw, you guys rock the Casbah! I wasn't fishing for any of this, I promise, but it is actually giving me just what I needed. Thanks much!

Housewife Savant said...

Can I be Jillian Michaels?

You write really goodly Tammy, and I always enjoy liking reading your posts.

Gibby said...

I agree with Laura F; in your writing you come across as very comfortable with who you are and what you think.

I do know how you feel, though. I hate confrontation and will avoid it at all costs. My girls are at the age where they don't care how others perceive them, and I have caught myself going all "what will the neighbors think" on them. And I hate myself afterwards. I am trying to not do that as much. Damn, it is hard being a mommy, isn't it?

Tammy Howard said...

Damn straight, Gibby - and that's a lot of it right there. I taught them not to care what people think, then I turn around and care what people think...

Alex the Girl said...

I can cut and paste this and replace your name with my own. When it comes to be who you be, I can put on a good face, be braver on the outside than on the in, but when it comes to making waves...I usually find myself in the no wake zone.

However, I am getting better, and over the last four or five years, I can proudly say I am definately out of the door mat zone (by the way, the door mat was total reference to me, not in response to anything you wrote, please dont take offense (see the "no wake" in me?))

Tammy Howard said...

Oh, Alex, doormat would've been apt even without the qualifiers...

Grand Pooba said...

Me not so much either. I don't like conflict and just go with the flow even if I have a different opinion. My husband on the other hand can definately "be who you be"

And he won't let you forget it :)

Anita said...

Tammy, from our short online relationship(makes it sound semi obscene doesn't it?) I like who you be!
I often wonder who I be, all the time, I think I'm off being so much for others and then I wonder if I'm true to myself.
Sadly I have opened my mouth too often in debate, and wished I'd just quietly stated my side or remained neutral.
I like this post.

Mrs. Jelly Belly said...

Sometimes I am far too polite for my own good. I let many things go because I will not argue.

I agree with Bass - there is no point in debating. It rarely serves any purpose other than to really piss you off. And I don't ever concern myself with other people's opinions or lifestyles. What they think and what they do is their business, not mine, so why am I going to debate it with them?

So I be who I be and am rarely stressed out. :)

smarmygal said...

I find I am a bit schizophrenic about my public faces. I am really good about "Being Who I Be" with close friends and people I trust. Then there is the pubic and still slighlty goofy Chris. Many people don;t know what t do with that one. Thirdly, there is the professional, I mean business Chris. You wouldn't know this one has a collection of monkeys and has dressed not once, but twice in her wedding dress as a fairy :)

Great post, Tam. I hope my son can just Be Who He Be, too. I hope I can lead more by example :)

Femin Susan said...

Those are absolutely fascinating. Wonderful post! Blessings to you and your family……

Sir Hook of Warrick aka "David K Wells" said...

Only very rare and odd people enjoy conflict for conflict's sake. On the other hand, if one doesn't stand for something then one can fall for anything.

Choose your battles, or arguments, whichever you choose...wisely. Don't be afraid to be who you are...at that very moment!

You cannot avoid conflict in this life, so you might as well embrace it when it comes. As my Grandmother Baker always told me, "David, Stare Fear in the Face and Make it Your Own!"

Saying nothing, when you should, makes you part of the largest demographic in the world...The Silent Majority. If the majority doesn't speak, it gets ruled by the ruthless minority. Be Brave!

Sir Hook of Warrick