Friday, January 1, 2010

I Married Johnny Bravo

Tom and I were sitting in the ski lodge waiting for the kids to finish tubing and watching the band set up for the evening's entertainment. There was one guy setting up equipment who was hard to miss, because he had not only a mullet but also bangs. Now either of those hairstyles on a man warrants a second glance, but both? Well, suffice it to say, it was nothing short of glorious. After a few moments, he approached us. Scratch that. He approached Tom. He held his hand out for a handshake and said to my husband (he said), "You must be a musician."

Now we were both watching them set up, so why he was able to single Tom out as the musician among us is a mystery. No it's not. Tom has beautiful long hair. It naturally dries in perfect spirals. It makes him look like a rock star. We had a chuckle about him having been approached by a man in a bar based entirely on his appearance and that was that.

Or so we thought.

We left the lodge for a couple hours and when we returned Mr. Rock Star was enjoying a sandwich. Mr. Mullet Bangs Rock Star, to be clear, not Tom. He approached Tom once again, asking what he played and where he was from and if he had a day job - which was weird enough - but then he handed Tom his phone and asked him to enter his number. Not knowing how to gracefully decline, Tom did so. Dude definitely wanted to play (some music) with my handsome hubby.

Now Tom is a kick-ass bass player. Know how I know? I know because I've heard him play; not because I've cleaned remnants of his glorious locks from the shower drain.

As we turned to leave, he introduced his drummer to Tom. Tom introduced me and Mr. Mullet Bangs Rock Star said, "I'll never remember that - I'll just call you Mrs. Tom."

I called Tom Mr. Tammy the rest of the night in an attempt to regain some identity and to recover from the blow to my ego.

My self-image/identity crisis had been quite the recurring theme in 2009 and I was hoping to unofficially resolve to leave it behind in 2010. It only took one silly man with an even sillier haircut to remind me that middle-aged fat housewives are not relevant.

Nah, I can't give him credit for that. I wasn't really in any danger of forgetting.

I think I'm gonna resolve to take up smoking instead. That way if I fail in my resolution before the week's out - or before I even actually attempt it - I can still be considered a success. Sort of.

Or maybe I'll just get a mullet.


Unknown said...

I love you calling hubby Mr. Tammy! Too cute!

SparkleFarkel said...

How does that Michael Jackson song go? "I'm starting with the man in the mullet"?! Good golly, what a note to begin the new year on! (Actually, I think we might be listening to the SAME "song"-- LOL!) *raises glass of Mylanta* Here's to an even better year for the both of us! *chug-a-lug*

Mike said...

Ahh, no matter what you look like, there is always someone who thinks your cute! LOL! It really is true, though. As long as the people who you love, love you, why should you have to impress some ski lodge lounge act?

Happy New Year!!

Melissa B. said...

Worry less, relax more. That's my recipe for the next 12 months. Here's to 2010...Happy New Year!

Allyson said...

Oh goodness...I would not worry one iota about a man who has stolen his haircut from 2 decades ago. And apparently he has borrowed his manners from Andrew Dice Clay. But congratulations on marrying a man who has great hair and should forever and ever be referred to as Mr. Tammy. Happy 2010! May it not end as it begun...with some RockStarMulletMan trying to pick up your HeavyMetalStud.

Macey said...

Mr. Tammy is right! Dang fool. Mullet with bangs?! Gah!

Macey said...

AND: Us irrelevant people make the girl go 'round.

Becky said...

The only reason Tom is who he is is because of you, love.

Don't give it a second thought:)

Happy New Years! Start your year off great Tammy!

Traci said...

I can't decide which is worse, risking lung cancer or a mullet. I kid. I kid. I think you rock and I think 2010 will rock for you.

Mama-Face said...

What a weird thing; his phone number? hahahaha. I guess with a haircut like that you're not too concerned with what people think of you.

Maybe I need to find my inner mullet.

Mr. Tammy, Mommakin, Tammy no matter how you say rock. You've got a lot of fellow irrelevant people who love you. (That was supposed to sound like a good thing!)


Lyndsay Wells said...

Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!!!

A mullet and bangs. Your husband sounds great, and I love that you called him Mr. Tammy.

Have a Happy 2010!!

~Maven from A Fabulously Good Life

Unknown said...

The whole hair issue is very halting.... bizzare.
People who do the put your phone # in my phone thing are weird, IMO....omg,I hope you don't do that.
I like calling him Mr. go girl!!!

gayle said...

Mr Mullet sounds strange!!

Claudya Martinez said...

TAMMY, ARE YOU LISTENING?! Mullet Bangs Rock Stars are not relevant, embarrassing and obviously out of touch.

Alex the Girl said...

Please, take up smoking. Mullets are bad for your health.

Anonymous said...

You funny lady. Me love you long time.

Joanna Jenkins said...

I think the bangs and mullet must have caused a tad bit of brain damage for this guy. Then again, I think people who look at us wives as "irrelevant" are total jerks. So be Mrs. Tommy, it's way better than being the "mullet guy" of 2010!

Happy New Year. I think YOU are the Rock Star here Tammy.


Pam said...

Look at this way. 2010 has no where to go but up! It's gonna be a great year. And please, do let us know if Mr. Mullet calls Tom. THAT will be very interesting.

FranticMommy said...

A mullet can be hot. You could rock one Tammy!

Housewife Savant said...

I laughed at the title.
Then I got; "...he had not only a mullet but also was nothing short of glorious."
You. Are. My. Shining star.

You ARE relevant. You rock the blog world.
Okay, my little corner of it.
Okay we're BOTH irrelevant.
It's the 40s.
They're awesome on the inside(!), but unless you stop a 20-something boy toy and tell him about [inappropriate content] he won't know from looking.
(If he's lucky he'll find out in 15-20 years!)

Don't smoke. Go straight to the patch.
You'll halluncinate and gain 30 pounds when you give it up.

Tracie said...

Mr. Mullet was purposefully ignoring you so he didn't arouse jealousy from Mr. Tammy.